How to Say No to Someone With Power Over You

About this course

Someone with power over you asks, and the yes often leaves before you decide. This course is about the no that lands and still gets you asked again. It is for people who keep saying yes to work that is not theirs, for managers who need a no that holds with someone above them, and for anyone who has watched agreement leave their mouth before they chose it.

You start by reading the ask before you answer the person. Then you catch the early yes and take it back while the plan can still change. Your Route to No lets you pick a path that fits who you are; direct is not the only form that counts. Rule or Request keeps the refusal on this ask, not on a rule about your character. When the ask sits above your boss, you carry it up the line in order so your boss hears it first. Theirs, Shared or Mine hands back the work that is not yours. The Unsaid Standard asks what finish needs and names the empty seat you are already covering. The close is recognizing when a better no will not fix it.

Along the way you work the ENRICH Framework created by Duane K. Andrews and Sherry M. Jerimie: Ethnicity, Nationality, Race, Identity, Culture, Heritage. Who you are changes how a no lands, and how the room reads it. Cases, pauses, and workbook prompts let you make the call before you hear how Duane reads it.

Who it is for

• People who keep saying yes to work that is not theirs.
• Managers and individual contributors who need a no that lands with someone above them.
• Anyone who has watched a yes leave their mouth before they decided.
• Leaders who coach others through hard asks and want a shared language for refusal.

Learning objectives and outcomes

By the end of the course you will be able to:

1. Read the ask before the person. Separate the request from the relationship.
2. Catch the early yes. Notice when agreement left before you decided, and take it back while the plan can still change.
3. Choose your route to no. Pick a path that fits who you are; direct is not the only form that counts.
4. Refuse the request, not yourself. Say no to this ask without stating a rule about your character.
5. Go up the line in order. When the ask sits above your boss, your boss hears it first.
6. Hand back work that is not yours. Return the load without burning the bridge.
7. Count the empty seat. Ask what finish needs, and name the cover you are already giving.
8. Know when a better no is not enough. Recognize the limit and what that hands you next.

What is included

The Participant Booklet is the knowledge companion to the course: every framework drawn, every case, the reference you keep after the video ends.

The Workbook is the fillable PDF: prompts, cases and private entries you complete while you watch. Open the player to download both PDFs with your course.

Chapters

15 chapters, 2 h 57 min of video.

1. 00The Ask Has Arrived10:24

   A no that keeps the relationship is still a no. How this course works, and the ask you will carry through it.

2. 01Read the Ask11:28

   Read the Ask: separate the request from the relationship before you answer the person.

3. 02The Holiday Plan9:09

   Case: the holiday plan, and an ask that looked smaller than it was.

4. 03The Yes You Didn't Decide15:33

   The Yes You Didn't Decide: catch the early yes and take it back while the plan can still change.

5. 04The ENRICH Bridge8:51

   Who you are changes how a no lands, and how the room reads it.

6. 05Your Route to No11:51

   Your Route to No: pick a path that fits who you are; direct is not the only form that counts.

7. 06The Buying Trip9:22

   Case: the buying trip, and a route to no that fit the person saying it.

8. 07Rule or Request?9:48

   Rule or Request: say no to this ask without stating a rule about your character.

9. 08Not on Saturdays10:33

   Case: not on Saturdays, and the difference between a rule and a request.

10. 09Up the Line, In Order12:13

    Up the Line, In Order: when the ask sits above your boss, your boss hears it first.

11. 10The Gala8:30

    Case: the gala, and a no that had to travel up the line.

12. 11Theirs, Shared or Mine17:33

    Theirs, Shared or Mine: hand back the work that is not yours without burning the bridge.

13. 12The Unsaid Standard15:45

    The Unsaid Standard: ask what finish needs, and name the cover you are already giving.

14. 13The Empty Chair8:01

    Case: the empty chair, and the unsaid yes that had already been given.

15. 14When a No Isn't Enough17:35

    When a No Isn't Enough: recognize the limit, and what that hands you next.