How to Develop Your Emotional Intelligence, Part One

About this course

Reading the room starts with reading yourself.

Our emotions shape how we act, react and respond at work, whether we notice them or not. Emotional intelligence (EI, or EQ) is the ability to recognize emotions in yourself and in others, and to use that information to manage your behavior and your relationships. A common belief is that you either have it or you don't. That is not true. Emotional intelligence is a skill, and like any skill it grows with instruction, practice and feedback.

This is not a lecture on being nice. It is a course on reading yourself and the room accurately, and then choosing what you do next instead of letting the moment choose for you. It starts with what EI is (including Goleman's four domains), then goes inside the emotional hijack: why the emotional brain wins the first round, the difference between an emotion, a feeling and a faux feeling, and how to name it and buy time so your thinking brain gets its vote back.

From there you work through the five principles of emotional intelligence: it is a combination of things, it predicts performance, it can be changed (just not in two days), it reaches every area of your life, and it can be measured. You then rate yourself on the four primary factors: self-regard, regard for others, empathy (awareness of others) and self-awareness. The secondary factors follow (emotional resilience, personal power, goal directedness, flexibility, personal connectedness and invitation to trust), along with five relationship balances: trust, balanced outlook, emotional expression and control, conflict handling, and interdependence.

The course is built around cases and a simulation that escalate on purpose: Lynecia vs. Betty, an executive case about Rafael, Mary and the program review, Ana and Sue, and the simulation of the young woman, Maya. An optional two-chapter module, Standard vs ENRICH, reads emotional intelligence with the whole person in the room. The course closes with your own written EI appraisal and a 66-day commitment to one practice.

Who it is for

• Anyone who leads or works with other people.
• Managers and team leads who want to stay steady under pressure, defuse conflict, and read their people more accurately.
• Professionals whose reactions at work sometimes surprise them, or surprise somebody else.

Learning objectives and outcomes

By the end of the course you will be able to:

1. Define emotional intelligence, describe Goleman's four domains, and explain why EI is a skill rather than a fixed trait.
2. Recognize an emotional hijack in your own body, and use the hijack reset (name it, read your body, six seconds, breathe, time out) to give your thinking brain its vote back.
3. Distinguish emotions, feelings and faux feelings, and name what you feel precisely, using the "By Them" test to reframe faux feelings.
4. Explain the five principles of EI, including how habits change (the KASH model and the 66-day finding) and the common cognitive distortions that get in the way.
5. Assess yourself on the four primary factors (self-regard, regard for others, empathy and self-awareness) and apply them to workplace cases.
6. Describe the secondary factors and the five relationship balances, and identify where you sit on each today.
7. Optional module: read a situation through both standard EI and ENRICH, and test a second hypothesis before acting on the first.
8. Write your own EI appraisal and commit to one practice for 66 days.

What is included

The Participant Booklet is the knowledge companion to the course: every framework, case and tool, explained in full, so it still works a year from now. The Participant Workbook is a fillable PDF that takes one real moment that keeps setting you off and works it through every tool in the course, then gives you 66 days to make the new response automatic. Use it alongside the workbook prompts in the videos.

Chapters

19 chapters, 1 h 49 min of video.

1. 00Welcome4:01

   How the course works on your own time, who Duane is, and what the course covers.

2. 01What Emotional Intelligence Is7:59

   The person you speak to most, the definition of EI, EI as a habitual practice, and Goleman's four domains.

3. 02Thinking Brain vs Emotional Brain5:28

   Why emotion wins the first round, what training reaches, the anatomy of an emotional hijack, and the hijack reset.

4. 03Emotion, Feeling, Faux Feeling4:54

   Three different things everyday English treats as one, Plutchik's eight primary emotions, and one emotion with many feelings.

5. 04Name It, Buy Time4:02

   Your early warning signs, "name it to tame it," and six seconds, one breath, one exit.

6. 05Case Study: Lynecia vs. Betty7:20

   A new supervisor, an inherited reputation and a phone on speaker.

7. 06Five Principles: Combination and Performance4:15

   What EI is made of, and how it predicts performance.

8. 07EI Can Be Changed6:00

   Why it takes longer than two days, the KASH model applied, ten common cognitive distortions, and how EI reaches every area of your life.

9. 08Executive Case: Rafael7:38

   How a capable executive lost the role in one afternoon and the succession over the quarter that followed, and one possible rewrite.

10. 09Measuring EI and Self-Regard4:23

    Four broad areas of EI, the four primary factors, and self-regard.

11. 10Mary and the Strokes You Receive5:21

    Not knowing is fine; hiding it is the problem. How you build or erode other people's self-regard, and how to manage the strokes you receive.

12. 11Regard for Others and Empathy5:02

    Ana and Sue, judgment vs understanding, and what low empathy costs you.

13. 12Self-Awareness and Faux Feelings5:00

    Three steps to greater self-awareness, your patterns, and the "By Them" test.

14. 13Simulation: The Young Woman, Maya8:15

    A ranking exercise and how your EI shapes your ranking. Content note: this story includes an affair and a death.

15. 14The Secondary Factors5:05

    Resilience, personal power, goal directedness, flexibility, personal connectedness and the Johari Window, and invitation to trust.

16. 15Five Balances, One Sweet Spot4:40

    Trust, balanced outlook, emotional expression and control, conflict handling, and interdependence.

17. 16Standard vs ENRICH, Part 17:33

    What ENRICH stands for, where "normal" was measured, and intent vs impact.

18. 17Standard vs ENRICH, Part 27:06

    What standard EI says and what ENRICH adds, the cases read twice, and a private ENRICH audit.

19. 18Closing Reflection4:46

    Your own appraisal across four aspects of EI, and your 66-day commitment.