About this course
You know the moment. You walk out of a meeting knowing you did not handle it the way you meant to. Someone talked down to you and you went quiet. You meant to stay calm and the edge came out anyway. Or you rehearsed it all day, and every better answer arrived after the meeting ended. Those moments cost credibility, and they teach the room how to treat you next time. This course will not make you unflappable. It will teach you to be the adult in the room, even when the room is not.
The tool is Transactional Analysis (TA), a practical map of what happens between people, used here as a leadership skill rather than a theory. Every message leaves from somewhere and lands somewhere. The whole course fits on one line: every reply is a choice of chair, and most of being taken seriously is in that choice.
It starts with why TA is worth a leader's time: where it came from, the four ideas behind it, and the idea that we decide our story, so our reactions can change. You pick one real conversation of your own, the moment you did not handle, and you carry it through the whole course. Then the three ego states: the Parent, with its critical and nurturing faces; the Child, free and adapted; and the Adult, the response-able state that takes in information and chooses. You learn to spot each one from the words, the tone and the timing, see what each looks like at work and in conflict, and find your own favorite chair with a short self-assessment.
Next comes what happens between two people. You learn the three kinds of transaction, why some conversations flow and others stop dead, and the core move of the course: crossing a transaction on purpose, so one Adult sentence turns the conversation. You look at ulterior messages, where what was said is not what was meant, at the triggers that pull you out of the Adult, at recognition as the currency of every team, and at the games people play, with the Drama Triangle of Persecutor, Rescuer and Victim, a case study in rescuing, and the Winner's Triangle that offers the way out.
The middle of the course is about choosing your response under pressure. The gap is the moment between what happens and what you do, and four questions help you use it. The OK Corral shows how you see the other person, and yourself. Eight ways to focus on your Adult help you be taken seriously. Then four communication styles (passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive), an exercise in rewriting a passive-aggressive email, and what trust is made of: concern plus competence, and communication that is accountable.
The course then turns to the conversations most people avoid. You look at why difficult conversations fail (truth assumptions, the intentions trap and labels), how to describe what a camera would record instead of passing a verdict, and how the Adult voice is built part by part. Effective confrontation brings it together in seven practices: deal with your feelings, prepare, ask permission, confront with care, try to understand, follow through, and document it, along with knowing when to stop. An optional module, Standard vs ENRICH (Ethnicity, Nationality, Race, Identity, Culture and Heritage), asks whose picture of the Adult the standard models assume, and what it costs the people who do not match it; the course stands complete without it. The course closes with take-home points, a commitment to one relationship in one week, and the one sentence you will open with.
Who it is for
- Anyone who leads or works with other people.
- Managers and team leads who want to stay calm, clear and credible when a conversation turns.
- Leaders who go quiet, go sharp, or replay conversations long after they end.
- Anyone who has a difficult conversation they have been putting off.
Learning objectives and outcomes
By the end of the course you will be able to:
- Name the ego state driving a moment. Yours and theirs, from the words, the tone and the timing.
- Read a transaction, and cross it on purpose. See why a conversation escalates, and change its direction.
- Spot the drama triangle, and step out of it. Rescuer, persecutor, victim: the roles leaders fall into.
- Speak assertively and accountably under pressure. Clear, direct, and still respectful of the other person.
- Confront well. Prepare, ask permission, understand, follow through, and document.
What is included
The Participant Booklet is the knowledge companion to the course: the three ego states, transactions and triggers, the response-able Adult, communication styles, speaking accountably, why difficult conversations fail and the seven practices of effective confrontation, with comparison tables, self-checks, workplace examples and a Quick Reference Guide for the moments that matter most. The Participant Workbook is a fillable PDF that takes one real conversation of your own, the one you have been avoiding or the one that ended badly, and walks it step by step through naming your default state, dealing with your feelings, preparing, asking permission, confronting with care, trying to understand, following through and knowing when to stop, then closes with your commitments. Use it alongside the workbook prompts in the videos. Nothing in either one is collected.
Chapters
26 chapters, 2 h 23 min of video.
- 00Welcome7:14
The moments that cost credibility, what you will be able to do, what the course covers, how to use these videos, and the one real conversation to bring with you.
- 01Why Transactional Analysis6:17
Are you taken seriously? What TA explains, where it came from, the four ideas behind it, and what it gives a leader.
- 02Your Story, and Your Moment4:35
Why your story, and your reactions, can change; where the ego states come from; and the moment you will work on.
- 03Parent, Adult, Child7:27
What an ego state is, the three states, the Parent's two faces, and the Parent at work and in conflict.
- 04The Child6:12
The Free and Adapted Child, what is rooted in the past, how to spot the Child, and the Child at work and in conflict.
- 05The Adult6:23
The response-able state: how to spot it, how it sounds in conflict, when it is contaminated, and how it processes information.
- 06Your Favorite Chair7:33
How all three states serve a leader, five modes with two faces each, your default chair, and the same words read from different chairs.
- 07Transactions5:19
What a transaction is, the three kinds, and why some conversations flow while others stop or turn.
- 08Cross It, and Two Messages at Once6:11
Three hooks and three Adult replies, ulterior transactions, and how tone changes what is meant.
- 09Triggers and Strokes4:28
What pulls you out of the Adult, six hooks leaders know well, and recognition as the currency of every team.
- 10Games and the Drama Triangle4:31
Games with the same players and the same ending, the Drama Triangle, and the Winner's Triangle.
- 11Case Study: The Rescue4:46
A rescue at work, read corner by corner, and the winner's move for each person.
- 12The Gap4:30
Four questions before you answer, three truths about control, and how to stay Adult.
- 13The OK Corral3:54
How you see them, how you see yourself, and which corner you were in during your own moment.
- 14To Be Taken Seriously4:49
Eight ways to focus on your Adult, and what the Adult sounds like.
- 15Four Styles, Four Chairs6:10
Passive, aggressive, passive-aggressive and assertive, compared, with four ways to ask for the same thing.
- 16Rewrite the Email4:02
Reading a passive-aggressive email, naming its chair and rewriting it from the Adult.
- 17Trust and Speaking Accountably3:58
Trust as concern plus competence, four keys, and what makes communication accountable.
- 18Why Difficult Conversations Fail4:17
Truth, intentions and labels, and describing what a camera would record.
- 19Same World, Different Rules4:46
Loosening truth assumptions, the intentions trap, and the Adult voice part by part.
- 20Effective Confrontation6:36
What confrontation actually is, five rules, fourteen moves in three stages, dealing with your feelings and preparing.
- 21Ask Permission, and Confront With Care5:04
How to ask for the conversation, hold the time warmly, and open with respect.
- 22Understand, Follow Through, Document5:24
Trying to understand, following through, documenting, and knowing when to stop.
- 23Standard vs ENRICH, Part One6:16
What ENRICH stands for, where the course's norms were set, and a case in reading someone's chair.
- 24Standard vs ENRICH, Part Two6:46
The same behavior read two ways, who can afford the Critical Parent, and four moves before you name the chair.
- 25Your Commitment5:07
Take-home points, six things to remember, your commitment, and the one sentence you will say this week.